Season One | Episode 5
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I know you may be thinking the last episode was about courage, isn't that the same thing as confidence? NOPE! While courage is more about the outward outcome and action, confidence is more about the inner work to need to get to that point.
"It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures." -Oprah Winfrey
I was listening to a panel on a virtual conference, and the panelist mentioned a definition of confidence that had a significant difference from what I thought confidence to mean. When I think about confidence, I automatically couple it with a fearless attitude. I think of a lion or lioness hunting with full confidence that they will catch their prey type of energy.
The panelist mentioned a definition that had a subtle beauty that I believe highlights a gentleness that is often missing when we raise our kids.
Read on for additional notes from the episode!
Confidence is an appreciation of one's gifts and ability.
While we all seem to want kids that are just the best little superheroes on the block, how often do we allow the softer quiet space to appreciate their gifts and abilities? By doing something as simple as naming and talking about what makes them feel confident can make a massive difference for the confidence our kids are working on building from within. This effort is what the adults around them can do to help kids own that confidence instead of telling them to be confident and GO!
With an evolving and deepening relationship where kids are open to talking, you will have the opportunity to learn about what they do not feel confident about and get to the roots of those insecurities.
Parents and adults can normalize being a person with insecurity and not being the most confident at all times. Sometimes we need to call on others that are training to teach us the skills and strategies we need to overcome challenging mindsets. Remember, we are only people to the extent of our context, experiences, relationships, and environments. You may not have all the answers because you just haven't gone through what your child is going through.
If you don't know how to navigate what your child is going through, seek help. Don't swipe it under the rug. It would only do kids a disservice and likely allow that stigma of mental healthcare to set in and become a perpetual or start to a generational cycle. It's okay not to have all the answers. It's not okay to do nothing about it for your kids.
Here are a few ideas and signs of self-confident kids:
1. Respect and Expect Respect | Kids with healthy self-esteem respect themselves and expect others to respect them.
2. Rejection acceptance | Rejection is a stepping stone and not a brick wall. They understand that it's hard to be rejected, but it's only temporary.
3. No excuses | Kids with positive self-esteem don't make excuses for their shortcomings. They are responsible and hold themselves accountable for their actions. They believe in progression over perfection. They value the power of the YET for what they haven't mastered.
4. Comfortability | They are comfortable in their skin. They don't need to be perfect to be liked or accepted.
In episode one of this podcast, I talked about the prism that children look through to see what is possible in their lives. That prism is YOU. If you have to restart and reset, share that, share your stories of victory, share how you overcame your insecurities as a child and an adult. Shape their scope of what is possible. We don't want kids to grow into teenagers and adults and never see the beauty of a model in managing raw emotions and overcoming insecurity. It's the rising like a phoenix moments that our kids don't forget.
This is the mindset shift. Do I want my child to repeat this to themselves when they are trying to overcome challenges? The words you speak to and around your child has the power to become and influence their inner voice.
Thanks for reading and listening! We will catch you in the next one!
You will find the Questions to Connections Worksheet for this episode here!
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